mom: *comes into room* You have all that lip. You have all that fucking lip, so you figure out how your going to that skate thing.

Me: *just stares*

My mom said this literally under 5 mins ago. She paid for my registration for central mass but hasn’t even tried to give me money for the hotel or the van. That’s it. I I guess I’m not going to it.

Rot away

I was never in a relationship…. I don’t even know if I should be calling him my ex or not really. 

I was sorta “with” a person who did the ultimate form of cheating..He was in love with another girl. He never loved me and thinking about it makes me cry because everything he said to me was just lies and confusion. “You make all my days Yasmeen”. It was just bullshit. He said that he only was “with” me because I was in his face a lot…. Is that all I am? Just a person to pass the time? A good fuck?….

I feel so stupid, God why am I still crying? It’s been a week now and I’m still feeling this pain. 

He was going to buy her a ring. He was going to propose to her. And here I thought we were going to work n things…Im crying now. 

That just goes to show you that I can never and will never find that special someone. All my body has been used for this whole time was sex. I’ve had my feelings played with and sabotaged. 

I’m the real dummy. I don’t even want to skate with the group anymore. My friend never told me any of this and I know that he knew, but he proceeded to let me fill my head with false fantasies, 

After I go to central mass I’m just going to leave the group and truly be alone. 

He isn’t worth all my tears that I’ve shed. The “relationship” was never worth this much heartbreak. I’ll get back from this. 

In a way I’m glad he’s feeling the same pain I did. I don’t wish it upon him but he definitely but he needs this. He needs to wake up from this fantasy that he’s always right. And that if the hurt doesnt effect him than it shouldnt mean that much. I was hurt and he pretty much turned a blind eye to me. Now he’s hurt and I’m trying to cheer him on in life (just because I’m a good person).

written

I’m finally registered for central mass…. I can’t believe it. 

All those tears, all that work, all the love from skateboarding. It’s going to mean something all for this one event. I feel like everything is tying together. I can’t choose this time to worry about everyone else. I have to practice and become strong. I can’t allow my emotions to rule over me and the way I perform.

I’m moving on from all this negativity. 

written

makahogan:

Pulp Fiction/Cowboy Bebop poster available for purchase at http://xinester.bigcartel.com/product/cowboy-faye-ction-12x18-print

makahogan:

Pulp Fiction/Cowboy Bebop poster available for purchase at http://xinester.bigcartel.com/product/cowboy-faye-ction-12x18-print